Sex is the primary mode of reproduction for most of all organisms in this universe, humans included. As is the case with many functions, reproduction also undergoes great complications when put through the human condition. Our superior intellect ensures that we complicate the otherwise primal need for procreation.
Among its many complications is the conscious choice made towards engaging in the act of procreation, where animals engage in intercourse under instinctual conditions, we engage in sex on a conscious level driven by emotional requirements as complex as our physical ones. Not only are we the only species with a conscious consent to engage in sex we are also one of the very few species who engage in the act for the added motive of deriving pleasure from it.
As far as complexity goes female sexuality is the mark to beat. It’s been loosely assumed that men on average think about sex somewhere between 19 and 8000 times a day (not based on any solid research), the point being that men seem to engage in sex more or less on an instinctual level, a claim supported by the primary male hormone testosterone existing abundantly in male systems.
Females on the other hand find it a little more demanding to get in the zone and attaches strong emotional factors to their sexuality. However both genders will easily agree that sex is mankind’s worst kept best secret. A few tweaks in the male approach to sex can make the ride a joyful one for both partners, here’s a list of mainstay mistakes that men make in bed and how to fix them.
One size fits all
Men often assume that the way they've learned to please one woman works for all women, a major mistake when it comes to sex. Fundamentally all humans are driven towards similar things but when it comes to how each individual gratifies his longings, it’s a complicated mess out there.
Take two examples; one being the variety of adult entertainment genres that are widely existent across the internet, and the second example is how a range of different jobs exist even within a niche market.
The first example is pretty straightforward, everyone has a preference, from Hentai to Bondage, and every genre has its own target audience, a fact that was clearly demonstrated by the recent bestselling book “50 shades of grey”.
The second example is a little different but clearly depicts the point, even if preferences are the same, no two people are wired the same way, an artist can’t be a doctor nor vice versa. From technique to position to time frames, your knowledge of one partner doesn’t guarantee your expertise in the act.
Holding your tongue
Talking about sex isn’t a favoured pastime for a majority of couples, the often intrusive behaviour is seen as discomforting and highly stressful. The pitfall of not communicating your likes and dislikes however is in being stuck in a rut only because your partner doesn’t know any better.
Sex is mostly a guessing game and with extensive experience comes a better guess. Let’s face it no one gets to the Casanova like experience by guessing around the motions, and why suffer in the bedroom when all you have to do is voice it out. Everyone has their own kinks and turnoffs, a fact that needs be acknowledged and conveyed.
Timing is everything
As great as it looks in the movies, not many people will appreciate a sweeping gesture across their work desks, nudging their brand new laptop to the ground. As disappointing as it is life really isn’t Hollywood and there are no perfectly thought out sets to accommodate your spontaneity.
If your sex life is a little too routine, plan a surprise dinner or a special out of town date, the end of a long workday isn’t really the most tempting occasion to be taken off your feet on the kitchen table. Timing really is everything.
The get it done attitude
Many men are guilty of this sex blunder, sex isn’t a step by step work mission and routine is never a good thing. Take your time and be spontaneous, don’t plan out the entire routine in your head before you get into bed.
Comparing is despairing
Sex lives vary greatly from individual to individual, not everyone has the same sex drive nor the circumstances to engage in sex as much as the next couple. Trying to compare and match up to your peers in an attempt to be sure that your sex life is as good as theirs is just a silly way to get around it; not to mention that people greatly exaggerate their success in bed.
By Dilshan Senaratne - dailymirror.lk
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