Let’s re-think

“A book of verse, a glass of wine and thou beside me sitting in the wilderness and wilderness were paradise enow…” go the words of the poet Omar Khayyam in his “Rubaiyat”.

“What does happiness mean to you?” asked the professor from his students.

The University students giggled. Most of them had boyfriends or girlfriends and felt that life was complete. So did they want a book for further reading? Or a glass of wine?

“I want to learn more about life from books and lectures but I don’t need wine or alcohol in any form.” opined Mallika.

“Why not?”asked the teacher.

“I feel that strong drinks cloud the intellect and at best are an opiate. You can also become addicted to liquor.” replied Mallika.

“But what about having a jolly good time after drinks?” chimed in Hiran.

“That is a preconceived mindset. If you are in good company, you can have fun even while drinking water or a fruit juice. You can sing and dance and enjoy yourself.” said Mallika.

“My boyfriend and I sit under the big tree in Peradeniya and we are happy. Sometimes, we read from books and poetry is one of our preferences.” commented Shalini.

“I think happiness means different things at different stages of life. Jith broke up with his long-time girlfriend and now he says that he is content to be a loner! He says that lovers make demands and he is now happy that he is no longer answerable to anyone.” said Hiran.

“So Omar Khayyam is not always right. But I agree with him that one must have someone to love, not necessarily a romantic love. There are men who are content with their mothers making them a cup of tea. There are women who are happy in the company of other women and who are not necessarily lesbians.” said Shalini.

Let’s re-think what we mean by happiness.

By Sirohmi
See more at: http://life.dailymirror.lk/article/5426/lets-re-think#sthash.fKlZGZyp.dpuf

101 Timeless Lessons Life Teaches

Take everything you’ve ever learned – all the crazy experiences

and lessons – and place it all in a box labeled “Thank you.”

What has life taught you?  Think about all the things you would love to tell yourself if you could travel back in time to give your younger self some advice about life.

This is what our sister site, Everyday Life Lessons, is all about.  Here’s a fresh sample of our favorite life lessons that were recently published on the site:

1. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.
2. In life, you usually get what you ask for, but it rarely comes in the package you think it’s supposed to come in.
3. Never let one bad day make you feel like you have a bad life.
4. Just because today is a terrible day doesn’t mean tomorrow won’t be the best day of your life.  You just got to get there.
5. Tell the truth, or eventually someone will tell it for you.  Read The Four Agreements.
6. A mistake is an accident.  Cheating and lying are not mistakes.  They are intentional choices.
7. Sometimes the person you want most is the person you’re better off without.
8. Some people cannot stand that you’re moving on with your life, and so they will try to drag your past to catch up with you.  Do not help them by acknowledging their behavior.  Keep moving forward.
9. Surround yourself with positive people who are going to push you toward greatness.  Eliminate those who are trying to keep you from it.
10. Don’t let something that doesn’t matter cause you to lose something thatdoes.
11. Sometimes people aren’t who they seem to be, and sometimes people are so much more than you originally thought.
12. Loving someone isn’t just about saying it every day, it’s showing it every day in every way.
13. Maturity is not when we start speaking about big things, it’s when we start understanding the small things.
14. Of all the things that can be stolen from you – your possessions, your youth, your health, your words, your rights – what no one can ever take from you is your freedom to choose what you will believe in, and who and what your heart will love.
15. When you can forgive yourself and others and stop the imprisonment, you’re creating the love of your life.
16. Not forgiving is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
17. Age wrinkles the body.  Quitting on your dreams wrinkles the soul.
18. The past can’t hurt you anymore – not unless you let it.
19. Holding on to the unchangeable past is a waste of energy, and serves no purpose in creating a better future.
20. Sometimes you’ve got to emotionally let go of the things that once meant a lot to you, so you can move beyond the past and the pain it brings you, and open the next chapter in your life.
21. The path to our destination is not always a straight one.  We go down the wrong one, we get lost, and we turn back.  But maybe it doesn’t matter which road we embark on.  Maybe what matters is that we embark.
22. It doesn’t matter if you’ve failed or if you’ve been beaten.  All that matters is that you learn something, get back up, and try again.  Because winning is a good feeling, but winning when nobody else thought you could is an awesome feeling.
23. Knowing yourself is one thing, but truly believing and living as yourself is another.  With so much social conditioning in our society, we sometimes forget who we are.
24. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.
25. You can grow stronger from the pain if you don’t let it destroy you.
26. Tell the negativity committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up.
27. The worst person to be around is the one who complains about everything and appreciates nothing.  Avoid these people at all costs.
28. Live in such a way that if someone decided to speak badly of you, no one would believe it.
29. If you love someone, tell them.  For hearts are often broken by words left unspoken.
30. Life is shorter than it often seems.  Sometimes we are only given a few minutes to be with the ones we love, and hundreds of hours to spend thinking of them.  Cherish the moments you have with your friends and family, because in one single second they can be taken away from you forever.
31. Things change, but the sun always rises the next day.  The bad news: nothing is permanent.  The good news: nothing is permanent.
32. It’s your road, and yours alone.  Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.
33. We often accept the love we think we deserve.
34. If someone can’t accept you at your worst, they don’t deserve you at your best.
35. Without communication there is no relationship; without respect there is no love; without trust there’s no reason to continue.
36. If you leave someone at least tell them why, because knowing you’re not worth an explanation is even more painful than being abandoned.
37. Speak when you are very angry, and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.
38. Choose your words carefully – they can’t be taken back once you give them away.  Harsh words are like bullets – they can leave deep wounds.  And most of the time saying “sorry” is not enough to heal the wounds you leave.
39. Never make a big decision when you’re angry, and never make a big promise when you’re overjoyed.
40. It makes no sense to be second in someone’s life when you know you’re good enough to be first in someone else’s.

Mystery Facts: Women

A woman is one of the greatest enigmas that presents itself to us in our lifetime here and centuries of living with the devil herself has done little but to confuse us more.

The countless theories and concepts that have been forwarded with regard to women remain abstract ideas with more exceptions than the rule itself.

It’s hard to prove a lot of things when it comes to the human psyche and even more so when it comes to the female one but it’s possible to establish the likelihood of a few facts on the subject of women with scientific proof to back it up.

Birth Control Pills Make Women Less Attractive

Contrary to the heading, the pill doesn’t make the woman less attractive as per se, but a recent study on the subject has demonstrated that men perceive women to be most attractive during ovulation at which point the male sub conscious picks up on subtle cues in the woman’s physical attributes which reveal that she is fertile and hence ideal for procreation.

This evolutionary mechanism helps to determine that intercourse occurs at the best possible time to increase chances of bearing offspring. The problem is that the pill inhibits ovulation thus attaining its purpose.

The study found that strippers earned at a strip club earned an average tip of 70 dollars when they were ovulating, 50 dollars when they weren’t and 35 dollars when they were menstruating.

Birth Control Shuns Mr. Right

Women are wired naturally to mate with males whose genetic makeup is different to their own as a mechanism to reduce abnormalities in their offspring, but for some reason the pill throws a wrench in this grand plan causing women to be attracted to men with similar genetic patterns.

The resulting issues are numerous and vary, aside from the obvious pitfall of increasing the risk for their offspring to be abnormal; it also causes the woman to lose attraction for the guy once she get off of the pill. The reason isn’t clearly known but it’s theorized that the pill affects women’s hormonal balances hence causing disruptions to their attraction mechanisms.

Orgasms Relieve Menstrual Cramps

Tell your woman to out with the Ponstan and just do you. A good, regular sex life alleviates those horrible menstrual cramps that plague women monthly. According to a 2005 article in Redbook, studies have shown that the oxytocin and endorphins, natural pain killer of the body released during sex can increase your pain tolerance up to 70%.

That means lower pain before her period -- and believe it or not, even during childbirth. Says sex therapist, couples counselor and sex advice columnist Dr. Miro Gudelsky, “Orgasms are one of the best cures for PMS. The reason being that orgasms relieve swelling around the genitals.” 

Blue Ovaries

Men aren’t the only ones who need release from intercourse, it’s been found that women who also possess similar erectile tissue in their genitals can suffer from lack of release following arousal.

The engorged ovaries can cause discomfort if sufficient release isn’t provided. Even though women may not ejaculate during orgasm, the orgasm is equally important. 

15% Of Women Can’t Get Off

That’s right, 15% of women can’t orgasm through sex alone. The reason being that some women have pleasure centers focused on the Clitoris and hence requires focused stimulation in order to attain orgasm. A point to remember the next time you slave away in bed. 

By Dilshan Senaratne  - dailymirror.lk/

Sexual problems women face

Long considered a taboo subject, women’s sexuality is now openly discussed and portrayed on television, in magazines, and on the internet. Most importantly, women are becoming increasingly aware of their sexuality and their sexual health nowadays. Nevertheless, many young adults are still ignorant of important facts about sexuality and related studies have proved that despite awareness raising and exposure to television programs on sex, some young people, especially girls from very conservative backgrounds, still think that even kissing or touching can lead to pregnancy.The Nation asked Family Planning Association (FPA) Sri Lanka Medical Director Dr. Sumithra Tissera about the common sexual problems that women face.

Q. What sexual problems do women face?

Sexual problems or sexual dysfunction can be classified as:Loss of desire or libido: Inability to become aroused - insufficient vaginal lubrication, anxiety and inadequate stimulation.Lack of orgasm (anorgasmia): could be due to sexual inhibition, inexperience, lack of knowledge, guilt, anxiety, or past sexual trauma or abuse, certain medications and disease.Painful intercourse: could be due to vaginismus, endometriosis, pelvic lump, vaginitis, poor lubrication, sexually-transmitted infections, presence of scar tissue from previous surgery, (vaginismus - involuntary spasm of the muscles surrounding the vagina – due to fear, sexual phobia, previous traumatic or painful experience).

Q. What causes such problems?

There can be several causes such as personal wellbeing; relationship issues; male sexual problems; childbirth; menopause; surgery such as hysterectomy and oophorectomy; vaginal or pelvic pain - prior surgery; endometriosis; infections; bladder and pelvic support issues; medical issues such as cancer, heart disease, arthritis, diabetes, alcoholism; taking in anti-psychotics, anti-depressants, anti-hypertensives (beta blockers) and emotional factors such as stress, anxiety and depression.

Q. Are they the same for young and older women or do they change with age?

The causes for women’s sexual problems can vary with age. For example, sexual problems due to childbirth, relationship issues are mainly observed at young age while problems due to menopause (dryness of the vagina and loss of desire due to hormonal imbalances), medical issues, bladder and pelvic support issues are mainly seen at older age.

Q. What could be the reasons for pelvic disorders that cause pain during intercourse?

Having severe vaginal discharge with smell and itching can cause the vaginal area to be red and swollen making sexual intercourse painful. Also Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID) can cause pain during sex. Prominent pubic bone and a very thick hymen are also reasons that they may avoid sex just after marriage. All these can be solved by consulting relevant family doctor, or a gynecologist.

Q. Does hormonal imbalance interfere with sexual satisfaction?

Perimenopause and menopause surgeries that remove bilateral ovaries that secrete the sex hormones can result in vaginal dryness, causing painful sexual intercourse which may make women avoid sex completely.But this can be prevented by using a lubricant or an estrogen containing gel around the vaginal area or using Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT). But before using any of them, consulting a gynecologist is advisable.

Q. Is pregnancy a cause for sexual dysfunction?

A lot of pregnant women worry about having sex thinking that it will harm the fetus. But this is not true. They can continue having sexual intercourse, but may sometimes need to change the positions so they can avoid pressing on the protruding abdomen.

Q. Do Non-Communicable Diseases (NCDs) like diabetes, hypertension, cancer and heart disease interfere with sexual activities?

Yes, they can interfere with sexual activity by reducing the desire. Cancer can cause discomfort and fatigue due to the disease as well as medication. Breast surgery for cancer results in changes in body image. Diabetes impairs arousal and ability to experience orgasm. Arthritis and heart disease may reduce the physical ability to engage in sex and psychiatric problems due to disease or medications can affect a person’s sexual relationships.

Q. What about medications?

Some medications also can reduce the sex drive and make the vagina dry thereby reducing the desire to have sexual contact (anti psychotics and anti depressants).

Q. How do Sexually-Transmitted Infections (STIs) affect a person’s sexual activities?

STIs can cause sexual problems due to discharge, small lesions and redness on the vaginal area. Women avoid intercourse when they have such conditions because of the pains they experience during the intercourse.

Q. How do male impotency and other problems in men during sex affect women?

Male sexual dysfunctions may also have some negative effects on women’s sex lives. In the case of premature ejaculation (ejaculating too early) the woman may feel unsatisfied. Some men due to their inability to get an erection may avoid having sex or postpone it daily where the women may also, after sometime, avoid sexual activities or may look to other men.

Q. What about attitudes to sex? Some women, because they are brought up in conservative households or due to bad experiences think sex is shameful or bad, your comments.

This is sometimes observed in relationships. Especially if women had a bad experience during their childhood, they would perceive sexual relationships negatively. They may also experience pain during sexual intercourse. Some such women get vaginismus and they do not allow their partners to have sex with them even after many years of marriage.

Q. How important is knowledge about sex in minimizing women’s sexual problems?

Just knowledge is not enough. They need to have accurate knowledge to understand sex and sexuality. They must know the difference between men and women not only physically, but also psychologically and the way they are aroused and way they act.

Q. what is the role of cultural beliefs about sex, especially with reference to Lankan and Asian women?

In Asian cultures, sex is seen as a taboo subject. The kids are not even taught the physical and psychological changes taking place in their body. Most start learning this after marriage or during a relationship. As this subject is not spoken about openly, particularly women are very shy even to talk about it with their partners. Specially what they like and dislike and what they want from a relationship as they feel speaking openly may brand them a woman with ‘bad characters’. This sometimes inhibits the woman even more in showing her desires.

Q. How can sexual problems be resolved?

For solving all sexual problems, medicine is not essential. Simple counseling and discussions between partners is enough to identify the problems and come up with solutions. There are doctors in Sri Lanka trained on psychosexual medicine as well as sexual health specialists and psychologists. If any women feel that she has a change in her sexual behavior or relationship, she should seek help soon rather than waiting till it escalates. 

Q. What supports do Lankan women have by way of 1) accessing correct knowledge 2) counseling and any other? What role does the FPA play in these interventions?

There are many books written on relationships, sexuality and sexual behavior of men and women by eminent consultants and psychologists. They are available from many book shops. FPA Sri Lanka clinic - Centre for Family Health - provides consultations and referrals with people who need specialized care and counseling.

Q. Are they available to all and where can they be obtained?

These services are available for all women, sometimes even through their family physicians. But if they do need specialized care they may need to go and talk to a Consultant Psychiatrist in their own area.

nation.lk

When it’s not the bed..

It’s a given. Nothing beats the soft mattress, fluffy pillows and the fresh sheets when it comes to making love. But, when you can’t make it to the bedroom or there isn’t a bed available for immediate use or you simply prefer alternatives, there are those few ‘other’ places that’ll work just fine.

Here’s a list (drawn up by an anonymous female clan) that show where it’s still hot... without the fluffy pillows.

The Car 

“Oh yes! The car is very very hot. The titanic is proof for that. Windows rolled up, nothing but each other’s body heat to gloriously suffocate in. I’m unashamedly a back seat girl.” 

Garden 

“NOT in broad daylight. When it’s raining, on the grass, maybe little bit chilly. Really there’s something about the smell of wet grass, it has the shower effect. But in a more open air kind of way and yeah...the smell of wet grass.

Wall

“Flies aren’t the only ones who like walls you see. Being up against a wall, It’s so intense. Everyone should try it.”

Shower

“Yes I know it’s common. But really, my body is super sensitive when I’m having a shower (and he knows that). I think our shower area being a square cubicle with glass doors helps as well. See it’s convenient: we get cleaned AND we get our morning kick before our coffee."

Beach

“Ok besides the occasional sand in certain areas (place a small towel for help) this is my ultimate favourite. It’s perfect. Wet sand, the sound of the ocean, wind in my hair and the smell of the sea. Really you’re on a different planet.”

Chair

“I know most won’t agree but this is the hottest place so far. Really! I have never felt so in control. The proximity of our bodies, the position, It’s the true definition of 'ride'. And heels help for elevation.”

Floor

“Wooden. (Only floor surface I’ve tried). You can drag easily. Rolling around is fun, getting the sheets entangled all an excellent substitute when you just can’t make it upstairs.”

Pool 

“It’s the whole water effect I think. Floating around and etc... It needs a little more effort than usual. But you’re much lighter in the water. That’s the most useful part."

Getting naughty should never be limited to the bedroom. Everyone should experiment with unconventional areas once in a while or as often as possible. After all you live only once. 

P.S. Do NOT try anything on a flight of stairs! Unless of course for the next few days you want to walk like you just gave birth.
dailymirror.lk

What not to say

Effective communication and its many benefits are an ever common topic in all basic dating and relationships discussions. Most of us are adequately eloquent to maintain a conversation long enough and not offend our conversant, a skill that serves us well in all social situations.

For those of us who aren’t quite as skilled at making and holding a conversation, there’s a vast amount of content out there; however a commonly foregone problem is the issue of maintaining conversation pleasantries beyond the courting stage.

It’s no secret that we portray our best side when courting but following the point of attraction and initial stages in a relationship it’s common to see the niceties fade and the stressors of everyday life creeping into the romance. 

Aggressive and offensive conversation patterns are the beginning of full blown arguments and disheartenments further down the line. There are a few basic conversation bummers you can avoid to stay away from that rut.

Blame

Most people come to their partners for the sole purpose of having someone on their side. An important aspect that you need to realize is that most times when your partner is complaining about gaining weight she already knows that the chocolate pudding she ate the other night had something to do with it, but she doesn’t need to hear it from you.

Before you start stuttering your diplomatic lies about how the unconscious body in the front yard isn’t her fault, there’s an important distinction to make between comfort seeking behaviour and delusional attitudes.

While comforting her is important, it’s equally important to ensure that she realizes she has to take responsibility for her actions. An effective way to tackle this issue is to ensure that the situation is revocable instead of claiming it isn’t her fault.

For example if she complains about weight she’s gaining it might be a good idea to mention that she can hit the gym over the weekend instead of claiming that she’s not gaining weight due to any fault of hers and that the weather gods are to blame.

Passive

Remember relating a long drawn story about how everything seemed to be going wrong today only to hear a non committal murmur from your partner? Well truth is most of us do.

Interest in minute details of your partner’s life fades over time and we tend to tune out when hearing something that isn’t of much interest to us or something that we’ve heard before. It’s important that you commit to these conversations by understanding how important the topic is to your partner.

While it may be acceptable to tune out from her commentary of her favourite TV show it might not be a good idea to tune out when she talks about her dead aunt who she was very close to as a child. 

Ignorance

This is something most of us are guilty of, men in particular and women to a certain degree tend to focus on the principle mechanisms of a problem when we aren’t directly faced with it.

It’s easy for us to quickly make very harsh decisions on behalf of other people, completely ignoring their emotional turmoil when in reality we ourselves wouldn’t be so rash if faced with the same circumstances.

Most issues that people require counsel for have no easy solution and by providing a quick rash solution while ignoring the emotional elements, we are necessarily communicating our unwillingness to commit to helping them solve their problem.

By Dilshan Senaratne - dailymirror.lk

Sexual healing

The general logic to live by is, if it’s got a drink named after it, chances are it’s really good; and that logic couldn’t be truer as in the case of sex. There’s hardly an argument against sex, there really hasn’t been since the puritans and by the looks of it there won’t be any such argument cropping up in the near future.

But out of the obvious, there’s a lot more to sex than you would’ve thought. Turns out, what goes on under the sheets actually helps to alleviate your quality of life beyond what you might have initially imagined. 

 

 

Cardio

Even though sex doesn’t inch out jogging or hitting the gym, regular sexual activity burns a substantial amount of fat capable of burning a few of those troublesome pounds. In numbers, 30 minutes of sexual activity is linked with 85 calories. Not that there are promises of getting a six pack but surely wouldn’t you rather have sex than hit the treadmill? 

 

 

Blood Circulation And Stress Management

 

Findings from a Scottish study of 24 women and 22 men who kept records of their sexual activity revealed that sexual intercourse improved blood circulation, essentially assisting individuals to manage stress better. The researchers put them in stressful situations, such as speaking in public and doing math out loud, and checked their blood pressure.

 

People who had had intercourse responded better to stress than those who engaged in other sexual behaviors or abstained from it altogether. Another study published in the same journal revealed that the bottom line of blood pressure (diastolic blood pressure) was significantly lower in individuals who lived together and engaged in sex when compared to others. 

 

Immunity

 

Let’s get a little technical here, studies revealed that sexual activity and immunoglobulin A or IgA showed a correlation. IgA is an antibody that assists in the process of safeguarding us from infections like the common cold. The findings were revealed in a study carried out in Wilkes University in Wilkes-Barre, Pa with the participation of 112 subjects.

 

 

Improved Heart Health

 

Contrary to popular notion that sex increases the chances of men having a stroke, a study revealed that there was no correlation between sex and likelihood of having a stroke. Instead a 20 year-long British study revealed that men who had sex twice or more times a week were half as likely to have a fatal heart attack. 

 

 

Self Esteem

 

Improving self esteem was one of 237 reasons why people have sex as archived and published by the University of Texas in their journal “The Archives of Sexual Behaviour”. Self esteem is a fairly obvious benefit of having sex considering that most people who get lucky in the sack are also very confident outside of the bedroom. 

 

Stronger Relationships

 

Having regular physical contact and orgasms elevate the levels of the hormone termed Oxytocin which is popularly dubbed as the “love hormone”.

 

Elevated levels of Oxytocin are observed following intimate physical contact and are shown to have an improvement of generosity; needless to say the generosity assists greatly in improving trust and bonds in a relationship. 

 

Pain Killer

 

As very obscenely displayed in the movie “The girl with the dragon tattoo” sexual intercourse improves Oxytocin levels and Endorphins which allow for pain thresholds to be cut in as much as half.

 

Even though deep bleeding gashes are probably not the best things to experiment with, headaches and other minor painful symptoms such as stomach cramps may be greatly alleviated following sexual intercourse. 

 

Anti Prostate Cancer

 

Men who ejaculate 21 times a month or more have been shown to have lesser chance of developing prostate cancer when compared to men who ejaculate 4 to 7 times a month. Even though the study wasn’t conclusive in identifying ejaculation to be the sole determinant of the reduced risk, why not try it right? 

 

 

By Dilshan Senaratne - dailymirror.lk